sometimes it's the most innocent words that end up being abusive . sometimes you have to look beyond the words that you're being said to the end result of the words that have been said . was there hidden intent in each word ? dude another agenda get met t after the words were used ?
the phrase " if you had not " , is usually a good inclination that this is a statement of justification .
normal , rightous conversation needs no justification .the most common use of justification or example of justification is , " if you had not hurt me like that I would not is hurt you ." the statements are designed to take the center focus of the violator and put it on the victim.
Often , from the outside it is fairly easy to spot an abuser. The problem for the helpful friend is that what is spotted right away as negative usually comes across ad mild in comparison.
The abuse rarely comes out strong and hard right from the very beginning. In fact the couple has usually been at it g=for sometime, Things almost seem normal and expected by the time the outsiders see the truth.
He knows it, she knows it. Everyone know =s that it just did not start the way we all end uo seeing it\.
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